As a basketball player who played in the post position, my mom would always tell me, "DECLARE YOUR SPACE". Little did I know that this would turn out to be great life advice.
Boundaries are a healthy thing. It's okay to recognize that you have needs and to make time for them. It's okay to ask people in your life (including, but not limited to your partner, children, parents, friends) for space when it is needed. Boundaries are a vital part of respecting yourself and respecting others.
You should communicate your needs for space to those that you care about. Not everyone will respond well to your request for space. Some people will respect your boundaries while others may be hurt or annoyed by them. This shouldn't prevent you from setting them. By communicating your needs, you are practicing a form of self-care. You’re recognizing the importance of acknowledging what you need and letting others know about it to feel fulfilled in your life.
You are important. Your needs are important. You have the right to ask for what you need from those around you, whether they're strangers or family members.
It's hard to say no in our culture, but it works a lot better than yes when we don't mean it. If you or someone that you know has a difficult time asking for what they want then I would highly suggest reading the inspiring article on Oprah.com featuring Iyanla Vanzant, How to Ask for What You Want (Without Seeming Pushy). In this article, Ms. Vanzant explains that the first step to asking for what you want is knowing that you deserve to receive it.
She says, "Everyone deserves to be happy, healthy, and whole and the first step in getting that is having boundaries. When people know where you stand on things -- what you say yes to and what you say no to -- they can respect your position and also negotiate with you from a place of strength."
She continues, "A lot of women are afraid to be direct and ask for what they need because they feel that being direct is being aggressive and pushy. I believe it's not about that at all. It's about loving yourself enough to make yourself a priority."
Recently, I read a book called "Ask and It Is Given" which has helped me realize that when you set boundaries with others and then don't honor those boundaries yourself, you'll be powerless to get what you want.
Really let this sink in. When you say yes to something or someone when it isn't really right for your life and take on too much of a responsibility, then how can you be at the top of your game?
The more I learn about boundaries the more I realize how they play such an important role in all areas of my life…and yours! You deserve to be fully present with yourself and your loved ones. Setting boundaries can help you do that, so don't feel guilty about doing it! What are some ways in which you have set personal or professional boundaries?
I would love to hear how they have helped you live a more balanced life. Please share your thoughts below.
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